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Road Trip Quotes

May 14, 2013

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This little getaway differs from every other my wife and I have taken in twenty-five years. Due to stringent rental car rules we’ve never gone up against before, insurance reasons and the fact we don’t want to spend one more dime—my wife has to do all the driving.

Upside: I never get to simply sit in the passenger seat and enjoy the scenery. I’ve always driven. Always.

Downside: my wife doesn’t get to do anything but drive. Typically, she harnesses her nervous energy in a variety of ways. One thing she enjoys doing on long drives is looking through old magazines and tearing out recipes that interest her. I can’t tell you how pleasant it is to be driving along and hear “Rrrrrrrrrip!” Coming from my immediate right. Music or audio book playing? Doesn’t matter. “Rrrrrrrrrrip!” And it goes on and on for miles. “Rrrrrrrrip!”

I’ve asked if she could bring along a blackboard to run her fingernails across. That way there could be a slightly more unpleasant sound to occasionally break up the page-tearing solo.

By now, my wife has amassed, in our years of road trips, more than 156,000,000 recipes. There aren’t enough hours in the day in the years left to us for her to cook all the recipes she has collected. Yet the dismemberment of magazine pages continues.

She does hand embroidery too. Lately though, she has become obsessed with crocheting ruffle scarves. Her goal is to create a substantial inventory for the next quilt show we attend as vendors. Though she has produced enough ruffle scarves to keep the necks of an entire populace of a small nation warm and toasty, the inventory keeps growing.

Anyway, you get the idea—she can’t sit still.

On this trip, all she can do is drive. Unable to unleash her industriousness, she turns instead to adorable, unceasing prattling.

I have scribbled some of her comments down for your reading enjoyment:

“I’m used to a digital read out on my speedometer…”

“The seats are high up in this car. They seem high up to you?…”

“When you put citrus in fruit salad, you contaminate it…”

“They had good washcloths at that hotel. They weren’t all stiff…”

“That was the best pecan waffle I’ve ever had.” (When asked how many pecan waffles she’s ever had) “That was my first one. It was good. See if there’s a Waffle House near where we’ll be staying…”

“Look! There’s a Costco!…”

(Concerning a comment I made about her speed) “I’m not in a red car, i should be good…”

(When asked about her reticence about using the cruise control feature of our rental car) “I don’t like cruise control. It’s too boring…”

“They have Subway here…”

“Look! There’s a billboard for a quilt shop! I’ve never seen a huge billboard for a quilt shop before. What exit is it? What exit is it? Ah, shoot! Missed it…”

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