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General Hospital, Post Two

May 31, 2013


I’m still following General Hospital.

It was just going to be a quick nostalgic peek, brought on by the 50th anniversary celebration, but I still find myself peeking. Everyday. Five days a week.

This time around, I find myself looking at it through older and different eyes. This time, I marvel at what must be a daunting task—writing for a one-hour TV show that airs five days a week and never ends. Let me repeat that. The story never ends. And I thought that Scheherazade had it rough, but she only had to spin her tales for 1,001 nights.

So when I grimace that a plot line is lumbering along at the speed of wood, I say to myself, “Hey, cut the writers a break. This flippin’ story never comes to an end.” Were I in their shoes, I’d have some plot elements stretching beyond the limits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or even Manute Bol could reach.

I have found myself laughing out loud, from time to time, at some pretty witty dialog. I sometimes wish that the whole thing could be written solely for laughs with occasional dips into the vat of the melodramatic.

All that being said, it is what it proverbially is.

Some notes:

Nicholas Cassadine – this character has grown on me to the point where he is one of my favorites. The writers, producers and whoever else is in charge of decision-making, have him shirtless as often as possible. The actor, Tyler Christopher, has an awesome piece of artwork tattooed on his left shoulder. I find his semi-nude scenes distracting, as I constantly focus on the tattoo, which appears to be Native-American in design. (I purposely drew Nicholas—in the above cartoon—from an angle that didn’t require me having to reproduce his elaborate tat. I’m lazy that way.)

Elizabeth Webber – Adorable. Absolutely adorable.

Dr. Lesley Webber – Great seeing her again. She was a favorite of mine back in the day. Still nice to know she can give Scottie Baldwin a hard time.

Scotty Baldwin – Once one of the most untrustworthy and scheming bastiches in the show’s history—now a lovable goofball.

Carly Jacks – One of the strongest and mouthiest women on the show. I offer a word of advice to the rest of her fellow characters: If you are ever in an emergency situation with Carly, first thing you need to do is dart her. Otherwise you won’t be able to concentrate on what needs to be done, as she will be yelling in your face. (By the way, I just read her bio on the Internet to make sure I got her last name right. Carly Jack’s history—like probably most of the other characters on the show—is so convoluted that I’ll have a headache for the rest of the day.)

Luke Spencer – The daring adventurer is now assuming the role of grand old man of the show. A recent plot development has put him in the hospital. My sister has sworn that if they kill Luke off, she will not only stop watching, but she will send the producers such a scathing letter of vitriol that their eyes will probably catch on fire. I’ve assured her that, given the character’s history, he will probably pull through just fine and dandy. Unless…Anthony Geary wants to retire…

Elizabeth Webber – Nice. Nice and adorable.

Siblings – If you live in Port Charles (the fictitious location of General Hospital), and you have a full brother or sister (i.e. you share the same mother AND father), know that you are in a statistical microscopic minority of the population.

Writers – Please never…ever…write Richard Simmons into your show again.

Elizabeth Webber – Look, you’re a nice AND adorable character, but for crying out loud, drop AJ Quartermaine and accept Nicholas Cassadine as the love of your life. Then, and here’s a novelty, let your union be strong, lifelong and impervious to any and all devious sub-plots. I know. I know. I’m just dreaming.

One last thing – After this post, is there any chance I could get my man-card back?

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