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Today is Ugly Sweater Contest Day

December 5, 2014


Like “beauty,” the concept of “ugly” sometimes
resides only in the eye of the beholder.

Today is Ugly Sweater Contest Day, and
I will be wearing my scratchy entry all day long.

My sweater was craftily augmented last night
by my wife and her trusty embroidery machine.

She appliquéd a cute reindeer on a goodwill-bought,
black and white, cable-knit sweater.

Alas, the design is a bit small, and treads water
in the center of a salt-and-pepper-patterned sea.

With my current girth being what it is, I feel
like I’m packed into an enormous woolen condom.

As I eat my breakfast, the beady eyes of the appliqué
reindeer star up at me as if in expectation of an answer.

“So wadda ya think, buddy?” He seems to ask me.

I think that I’m fortunate to have such a thoughtful wife
who is industrious, and highly skilled in the fabric arts.

That’s what I think.

One Comment
  1. Very funny, keep it up.

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